Chronos

Chronos

So you're still there, looking at me, with your pop ,toad-like eyes and that severe expression of infinite wisdom. Just trying to make me lose faith, to make me embrace yours as unique salvation. I'm not yours. I don't believe in you. I just believe in me and my tears, my fears, my anger. I'm little, but genuine. I cry every tiny step I walk, I dream nightmares that never let me alone, but, still, I am here, insignificant, faulty, scared, but rid of your falseness. You're a god I don't want to admire, a lake I don't want to swim in, a sun I don't want to enjoy. You taught me everything: good, evil, nature, skill, poetry, arts and crafts, history, religion, love, business. You told me everything that had to be done, what to press, when to act and how to try, where to go and who to love, which to choose and why to insist. All that swagger was a complete lie. All your doctrine was false, your attempts, faked, and your defeats, excused. You never sat in front of me and told me: "I have flaws, I'm less that I pretend, I haven't tried as hard as you do, I'm proud of what you are, you are definitely what you try instead of what you are able to, and your will has no limits." You harmed me forever, you failed me, you lied me, you stole my self-confidence. Now I'm forever wounded, I'll never heal completely. But you are not my lighthouse now, I don't need you. I have learned how to trip and go on. I still love you, but don't need you. You have taught me something really important. Something that I will never forget. Whatever I will be, I don't want to be like you. I want to fail and say "I have failed", to boast and say "I have boasted without reason", to commit a mistake and say "I was mistaken". Just not to justify myself putting the blame on elements or factual powers. Just to admit that, after all that potential you told me I had, I was just a single boy with limited powers and a special taste for flops. I killed you too late, you never let me run free. You deceived, squeezed and tied me. How could I have the lesser opportunity to succeed?